HunnyBeez

Although most parents would agree that their children are more important than their job, most usually get more on-the-job training than they do as a parent. As a Mother of seven once said, “The love is instinctual but the skills are not.”

A NATIONAL MOVEMENT

A 1990 study by fifteen of the nation’s largest youth organizations found that the United States has done poorly in solving the problems affecting today’s youth. There was broad agreement that the number-one solution to these problems was . . . better parents. As a result of their findings, the final report calls for a massive increase in parent education.

President Bush then released a statement of six national goals for education. The number-one goal states that “by the year 2000, all children in America will start school ready to learn.” To attain this goal “parents will have access to the training and support they need.”

President Bush’s comments represent a movement in thinking which places more value on the importance of a parent’s role in preparing children for school and life. It is encouraging to see that there is a growing awareness that families need support and education . . . in order to strengthen parents’ skills and prevent future problems.

SOCIETY HAS CHANGED

In the past, when parents had questions about child-rearing they would usually have an extended family member close by to ask advice. While some parents may have family close by, many admit that their elders’ advice on child-rearing often differs from current parenting information or their preferred style. This is a result of changes in our society over the past few decades:

Children are no longer “needed” to work side by side with their parents, like farmers’ children of the past. This helped children feel they had something important to contribute and taught them basic responsibility and life-management skills. Today, children search for ways to belong in the family and with peers, sometimes in unhealthy ways.

Superior/inferior family relationships are no longer being modeled by mothers and fathers. Women have equal rights and children feel equally unwilling to accept an inferior, submissive role in life. This change is healthy, in that all people do have a right to be treated with respect and dignity. It leaves many parents, however, with few role models or practical skills for achieving this goal.

Early on, children are being taught that they have rights: to their bodies, their feelings, and to be treated by others with dignity as a worthwhile human being.

As a result, power-and-control parenting techniques are no longer effective, because parents “talk down” to “inferior” children. This style, therefore, inherently violates a child’s right to be treated with respect, children recognize this, rebel and lose respect for the controlling parent. As our society became more affluent, many parents became more permissive and over-indulgent. Their children often grew up thinking the world owed them a living and they used their energy trying to get out of responsibilities.

Children are facing issues previous generations never had to face. It is important for parents to listen and communicate in open, respectful ways, so their children will feel safe in discussing their problems and feelings.

Although some of these societal changes have brought about positive results, they have left parents with few clear guidelines for how to raise this new generation of children into responsible adults.

EFFECTIVE, QUALITY PARENT EDUCATION

What it Isn’t . . .

Parent education does not focus on what parents are doing wrong or advocate never disciplining children, as many parents assume. It provides new options to parents and encourages them to respect their own rights, as well as their children’s.

Attending a parenting class is not a reflection of being a “bad” parent . . . it is an indication of a parent’s commitment to his/her children and role as a parent. The classes are not just for parents who are having severe problems with their children’s behavior. Many parents who attend classes want to feel more confident of their parenting and are looking for ways to prevent future problems and help their family get along cooperatively.

What it Is . . .

The most effective parenting classes are small, personal groups which provide opportunities for interaction among parents, practice of concepts and techniques learned, and individualized problem solving. Like most new skills, parents can benefit from ongoing reinforcement of what they have learned. Follow-up parent discussion groups, where parents can meet with others who have taken the class, provide an opportunity to continue applying the concepts to new situations.

MAKING THE COMMITMENT

Although professionals often recommend parenting classes, there are several issues which seem to prevent parents from joining these groups: finding a class, making the time commitment, and cost. All three really boil down to the underlying issue of priorities. If a parent looks at how much time and money he/she spends on business seminars, golf lessons, weekly fast food, or vacations, it makes sense to place a priority on attending a parenting class, which usually costs less than all of these! Parenting classes are an investment in your personal growth, your child’s future, and in future generations. Consider doing your part to make this world a better place for everyone’s children. Read a parenting book that gives trustworthy, accurate advice or check out your community’s resources for local parenting classes.

 

Parenting has undeniably become a more complex reality than ever before. One of the crucial issues in the aspect of modern parenting is same sex parenting. Although it may be true that same sex parents may have existed even before this century, the issue has become more prominent in the modern age. There may be a variety of reasons for this, but whatever the reason, same sex parents and their families are on the social spot light.

Some support while others criticize same sex parents and these parents are probably out looking for a good parenting tip amidst all the hoopla. Same sex parents are still parents and are therefore equally as concerned for their children as heterosexual parents. Their need for a relevant parenting tip in a world where each parenting tip is for heterosexual parents is immediate. What can be a good parenting tip for same sex parents?

Be Honest

The foremost parenting tip for same sex parents involves honesty. There is, after all, no point in being with a partner you love if you have to keep it from your children. A recommended parenting tip therefore is to explain your situation to your children as soon as they are able to understand. When should parents speak up? Another crucial parenting tip is knowing when the appropriate time is. Kids are different from each other. Some mature faster than others. It is generally accepted though that kids today have an early recognition and understanding of reality as kids a few decades ago. A good parenting tip is to know your kids yourself. As a parent you know when the right time is.

Build a Close Relationship

Crucial to the parenting tip on honesty is the parenting tip on building good relationships with your kids. It’s easier to be honest with a child with whom you are close with. At an early age, be your child’s favorite playmate, confidante and best friend. Make your child comfortable with you by spending as much time with him/her. Make him/her feel that you will be around to help and that it’s okay to tell you things. Any parenting tip would tell you that building a close relationship starts while your child is at a young age.

Communicate Love and Logic

While you’re at the parenting tip on building a meaningful relationship, make sure that your relationship is based both on love and logic. Tell your kids that being gay doesn’t necessarily mean that you are less successful than other people. Tell them too that being gay doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll love them less or provide for them less. Tell them that there is no connection between being gay and being an incapable and unfit parent.

Accept Reality

An important parenting tip for same sex parents is the acceptance of reality. Sure, gay couples accept their being homosexuals. What they should also accept however is that their children may be made to suffer for their parents’ sexual orientation. Not everyone accepts homosexuality. The mere fact that major political and social leaders in American society have voiced opposition to same sex parenthood is enough indication that society has not fully accepted the gender choice. It is a good parenting tip to accept that kids may be bullied so that one may be better able to address the problem.

Seek Help

A final parenting tip is to seek for professional help for your kids and family. In spite of your best efforts to boost your child’s confidence and make him/her understand that homosexuality is not an abnormality, your child may not easily cope with the situation of being bullied. When the situation becomes too much for you to handle, look for support groups, counseling opportunities and parent resources to help you.