Archive for December, 2009
The gunship helicopter
This type of parent swoops down and fights battles for their young adult. This is typically the type of helicopter parent which school staff and employers find the least helpful. Otherwise known as the “pushy parent”, they do their child’s homework and argue with teachers about their child’s less than stellar performance evaluations.
The traffic helicopter
This parent provides guidance for their young adult, and helps direct them to make appropriate decisions throughout their lives. The difference between this version and the gunship helicopter is that the traffic helicopter allows teenagers to make their own journey.
The rescue helicopter
The function of this kind of parent is to either pull their young adult out of a crisis situation and bring them to safety, or bring supplies to help get them back on their feet. Tends to be the sort of parent who sends online shopping to their child when they arrive at boarding school or university – and carries on doing it for years. Can end up writing his or her CV when it all goes wrong.
‘Helicopter parents’ hinder children’s learning
The headmistress of a leading girls’ school has warned that “helicopter parenting” is preventing children from growing into healthy, self-sufficient adults. Vicky Tuck, the principal of Cheltenham Ladies’ College, claims that some mothers and fathers are hindering their child’s ability to learn and become self-sufficient because they are constantly hovering overhead, supervising and directing.
The trend towards parents confiding in their children and treating them like mini-counsellors is also preventing children from being carefree and learning from their mistakes, she believes. The “least selfish thing” a parent can do for their child was send him or her to boarding school, she told The Daily Telegraph. “Growing up is a slow process with ups and downs.
Children need to work out who they are, with a lot of support, but not in an intrusive way,” said Mrs Tuck, whose school charges boarding fees of £24,528-a-year for girls aged 11 to 18. The term “helicopter parenting” was coined by Madeleine Levine, an American clinical psychologist, who claimed in her book The Price of Privilege: “Kids are unbearably pressured not just to be good, but to be great; not just to be good at something, [but] to be good at everything.”
The rise of the mobile phone is often blamed for the explosion of helicopter parenting – it has been called “the world’s longest umbilical cord”. Parents point to rising school and university fees and say they are just protecting their investment or acting like any other consumer. But Mrs Tuck claims that parents are filling their child’s life with so many activities that children are “multi-tasking” at a very young age, while the parents’ tendency to “helicopter” leaves their child stressed and anxious.
She said: “We like girls to have a go at things here, but then to choose a few things they can pursue in depth. You will get much more gratification from a few things pursued with commitment and which you have a grasp of.
” Mrs Tuck, who has sons aged 21 and 24, said that there was a genuine anxiety among parents to make sure their child was “pumped with physical, cultural and intellectual stimulation – a feeling they will only develop if they are constantly active”.
Experts say the phenomenon of “smother love” has become an epidemic among babyboomers. However, some academics say that the tendency can be maximised to the good. Cary Anderson, of the University of Philadelphia, insists “helicopter parenting” isn’t always a negative thing – “it just depends on the helicopter”.
He claims that it is the “logical next step” when faced with a generation of students who rely on parents for advice and who actually listen to them, rather than rebelling in their teens and early 20s. He advises parents to reinvent their role by becoming a “traffic helicopter” and helping their child to cultivate more independence. He said: “You want to talk to them about where the pitfalls are and what the best route to follow is, but it’s ultimately the driver who makes the decision.”
By: Alvaro Castillo
About the Author:
This type of parent swoops down and fights battles for their young adult. This is typically the type of helicopter parent which school staff and employers find the least helpful. Otherwise known as the “pushy parent”, they do their child’s homework and argue with teachers about their child’s less than stellar performance evaluations.
The traffic helicopter
This parent provides guidance for their young adult, and helps direct them to make appropriate decisions throughout their lives. The difference between this version and the gunship helicopter is that the traffic helicopter allows teenagers to make their own journey.
The rescue helicopter
The function of this kind of parent is to either pull their young adult out of a crisis situation and bring them to safety, or bring supplies to help get them back on their feet. Tends to be the sort of parent who sends online shopping to their child when they arrive at boarding school or university – and carries on doing it for years. Can end up writing his or her CV when it all goes wrong.
‘Helicopter parents’ hinder children’s learning
The headmistress of a leading girls’ school has warned that “helicopter parenting” is preventing children from growing into healthy, self-sufficient adults. Vicky Tuck, the principal of Cheltenham Ladies’ College, claims that some mothers and fathers are hindering their child’s ability to learn and become self-sufficient because they are constantly hovering overhead, supervising and directing.
The trend towards parents confiding in their children and treating them like mini-counsellors is also preventing children from being carefree and learning from their mistakes, she believes. The “least selfish thing” a parent can do for their child was send him or her to boarding school, she told The Daily Telegraph. “Growing up is a slow process with ups and downs.
Children need to work out who they are, with a lot of support, but not in an intrusive way,” said Mrs Tuck, whose school charges boarding fees of £24,528-a-year for girls aged 11 to 18. The term “helicopter parenting” was coined by Madeleine Levine, an American clinical psychologist, who claimed in her book The Price of Privilege: “Kids are unbearably pressured not just to be good, but to be great; not just to be good at something, [but] to be good at everything.”
The rise of the mobile phone is often blamed for the explosion of helicopter parenting – it has been called “the world’s longest umbilical cord”. Parents point to rising school and university fees and say they are just protecting their investment or acting like any other consumer. But Mrs Tuck claims that parents are filling their child’s life with so many activities that children are “multi-tasking” at a very young age, while the parents’ tendency to “helicopter” leaves their child stressed and anxious.
She said: “We like girls to have a go at things here, but then to choose a few things they can pursue in depth. You will get much more gratification from a few things pursued with commitment and which you have a grasp of.
” Mrs Tuck, who has sons aged 21 and 24, said that there was a genuine anxiety among parents to make sure their child was “pumped with physical, cultural and intellectual stimulation – a feeling they will only develop if they are constantly active”.
Experts say the phenomenon of “smother love” has become an epidemic among babyboomers. However, some academics say that the tendency can be maximised to the good. Cary Anderson, of the University of Philadelphia, insists “helicopter parenting” isn’t always a negative thing – “it just depends on the helicopter”.
He claims that it is the “logical next step” when faced with a generation of students who rely on parents for advice and who actually listen to them, rather than rebelling in their teens and early 20s. He advises parents to reinvent their role by becoming a “traffic helicopter” and helping their child to cultivate more independence. He said: “You want to talk to them about where the pitfalls are and what the best route to follow is, but it’s ultimately the driver who makes the decision.”
By: Alvaro Castillo
About the Author:
Alvaro Castillo has been writing about health and specializing pregnancy along with how to deal with the first year of their baby’s life for 10 years, helping women with positive results. For more information check out his website at http://www.myhomeparent.com or visit his blog http://myhomeparent.blogspot.com to share your opinion
Parenting is the toughest, most important job most people will ever encounter and yet there is no license required, no training required, and no 24/7 hotline. This is rather short-sighted on the part of society as the cost of bad parenting is immense, but in truth the situation is not as dire as it seems. While no training is required for new parents, it is very easy for parents to learn the ways and means of good parents as well as the traps and pitfalls of bad parents. All it takes for parents to learn more about parenting is to watch, listen, and learn.
Watching is a key element to learning more about parenting. Watch the parents around you and you can learn all sorts of lessons about how to interact with your child, how to discipline your child, and how to teach your child. Almost everywhere you take your child there will be other parents and their children. Watching means observing but also listening. Hear the tone of voice as well as the words those parents use. Some parents use the right words but their tone and physical manner contradicts those words. Watch the children to note their response. Some children respond more readily to their parents. Why? What is different about that parent-child relationship? What can you take away for your own parent-child relationship?
Listen to advice. You don’t need to take every piece of advice that is offered to you. After all, there are many people who are free with advice and yet have clearly demonstrated they are in no position to offer it. However, there is often some really good advice shared by people you know and trust as well as good advice offered by passing strangers in the supermarket checkout line or in the stands at a soccer game. Be a sponge. Keep your ears open. You don’t have to take that advice but keeping your options open gives you the chance to sort out the jewels and benefit from them.
Be an active learner. Seek out information when you face a parenting challenge. Perhaps your child is acting out in a new way and your old discipline technique isn’t working. Search the internet, flip through parenting books, and ask some experts in your circle of friends. Sometimes great advice will come to you but other times you will need to seek it out. The more proactive you are about finding solutions to your parenting problems then the better parent you will become.
Parenting is a challenging job, no question about it, but it also comes with wonderful built-in rewards. Some times parents are forced to take a tough unpopular stand but in the end good parenting comes with its own rewards. Those rewards include a happy, successful child and a warm, loving relationship that will extend long past childhood and span the rest of your life. So who needs special training. If you watch, listen, and learn then you can be the parent you want to be and your child deserves.
By: Deanna Mascle
About the Author:
Watching is a key element to learning more about parenting. Watch the parents around you and you can learn all sorts of lessons about how to interact with your child, how to discipline your child, and how to teach your child. Almost everywhere you take your child there will be other parents and their children. Watching means observing but also listening. Hear the tone of voice as well as the words those parents use. Some parents use the right words but their tone and physical manner contradicts those words. Watch the children to note their response. Some children respond more readily to their parents. Why? What is different about that parent-child relationship? What can you take away for your own parent-child relationship?
Listen to advice. You don’t need to take every piece of advice that is offered to you. After all, there are many people who are free with advice and yet have clearly demonstrated they are in no position to offer it. However, there is often some really good advice shared by people you know and trust as well as good advice offered by passing strangers in the supermarket checkout line or in the stands at a soccer game. Be a sponge. Keep your ears open. You don’t have to take that advice but keeping your options open gives you the chance to sort out the jewels and benefit from them.
Be an active learner. Seek out information when you face a parenting challenge. Perhaps your child is acting out in a new way and your old discipline technique isn’t working. Search the internet, flip through parenting books, and ask some experts in your circle of friends. Sometimes great advice will come to you but other times you will need to seek it out. The more proactive you are about finding solutions to your parenting problems then the better parent you will become.
Parenting is a challenging job, no question about it, but it also comes with wonderful built-in rewards. Some times parents are forced to take a tough unpopular stand but in the end good parenting comes with its own rewards. Those rewards include a happy, successful child and a warm, loving relationship that will extend long past childhood and span the rest of your life. So who needs special training. If you watch, listen, and learn then you can be the parent you want to be and your child deserves.
By: Deanna Mascle
About the Author:
You can find good parenting advice at http://answersforyourfamily.com/
Communication between parents and teachers is essential to the success of the students. Often, the only time communication takes place is at parent-teacher conferences. For that reason, it is essential that teachers learn to effectively manage parent-teacher conferences in order to obtain the most benefit from the communication that occurs.
The following tips allow teachers to take a proactive approach to parent-teacher conferences, helping to create effective communication during the conference:
Prepare – Preparing for a parent-teacher conference means knowing exactly what goals have been established for the class, and each individual student, and being ready to show parents how their student is performing toward those goals. For each student, be prepared to show work samples and test scores. In addition, be ready to share behavioral anecdotes for that child. A story can help convey behavioral issues without stating them explicitly, helping to keep parents from becoming defensive. While showing the grade book is an option, it must be done in a way that prevents parents from viewing the grades of other students.
Environment – Create an environment that is comfortable for the parents. Placing parents in smaller chairs than the teacher, or facing the teacher across the teacher’s desk, places the teacher in a controlling position that can cause parents to feel intimidated or defensive. Instead, place them in equal seating, perhaps across a table, to establish a sense of equality. Ensure privacy for the conference so parents do not feel as though others can hear what is being said about their child. Organize paperwork so it is easily accessible but out of the way during the conference.
Professionalism – Preparation and proper environment are two aspects of professionalism. Dress and manner of speech fall into this category also. Parents judge a teacher’s competence by the amount of professionalism, or lack thereof, that they see displayed. Teachers who want to be viewed as competent professionals should project that image throughout the parent-teacher conference.
Rapport – Teachers should begin the parent-teacher conference by attempting to establish a connection with the parents. Greeting parents warmly, welcoming them to the classroom, and engaging in brief small talk all help to establish rapport. Teachers should also encourage parents to discuss their views and/or concerns about their children. Doing so demonstrates genuine concern for the child, which helps get parents more involved in their child’s education.
Communication – Not only should communication at the parent-teacher conference be positive, it should also be clear and specific. When discussing behavior issues, teachers should focus on specific actions, including duration and frequency, rather than offering general comments. Teachers should communicate clearly about all positives and negatives of the student’s behavior and performance. Clear, specific statements leave less room for interpretation, which leaves less room for argument by the parents. Communication should also include positive statements, making it clear that the student is a person of value, rather than including only the negatives about the child’s behavior and performance in class. Even the negatives can be phrased in such a way that the statement is positive and does not create the need to place blame.
There are other techniques for managing parent-teacher conferences, but this list is an excellent starting point. By creating a professional, positive atmosphere, teachers can effectively manage the parent-teacher conference and make the most of the communication that takes place.
By: Brian Stocker
About the Author:
The following tips allow teachers to take a proactive approach to parent-teacher conferences, helping to create effective communication during the conference:
Prepare – Preparing for a parent-teacher conference means knowing exactly what goals have been established for the class, and each individual student, and being ready to show parents how their student is performing toward those goals. For each student, be prepared to show work samples and test scores. In addition, be ready to share behavioral anecdotes for that child. A story can help convey behavioral issues without stating them explicitly, helping to keep parents from becoming defensive. While showing the grade book is an option, it must be done in a way that prevents parents from viewing the grades of other students.
Environment – Create an environment that is comfortable for the parents. Placing parents in smaller chairs than the teacher, or facing the teacher across the teacher’s desk, places the teacher in a controlling position that can cause parents to feel intimidated or defensive. Instead, place them in equal seating, perhaps across a table, to establish a sense of equality. Ensure privacy for the conference so parents do not feel as though others can hear what is being said about their child. Organize paperwork so it is easily accessible but out of the way during the conference.
Professionalism – Preparation and proper environment are two aspects of professionalism. Dress and manner of speech fall into this category also. Parents judge a teacher’s competence by the amount of professionalism, or lack thereof, that they see displayed. Teachers who want to be viewed as competent professionals should project that image throughout the parent-teacher conference.
Rapport – Teachers should begin the parent-teacher conference by attempting to establish a connection with the parents. Greeting parents warmly, welcoming them to the classroom, and engaging in brief small talk all help to establish rapport. Teachers should also encourage parents to discuss their views and/or concerns about their children. Doing so demonstrates genuine concern for the child, which helps get parents more involved in their child’s education.
Communication – Not only should communication at the parent-teacher conference be positive, it should also be clear and specific. When discussing behavior issues, teachers should focus on specific actions, including duration and frequency, rather than offering general comments. Teachers should communicate clearly about all positives and negatives of the student’s behavior and performance. Clear, specific statements leave less room for interpretation, which leaves less room for argument by the parents. Communication should also include positive statements, making it clear that the student is a person of value, rather than including only the negatives about the child’s behavior and performance in class. Even the negatives can be phrased in such a way that the statement is positive and does not create the need to place blame.
There are other techniques for managing parent-teacher conferences, but this list is an excellent starting point. By creating a professional, positive atmosphere, teachers can effectively manage the parent-teacher conference and make the most of the communication that takes place.
By: Brian Stocker
About the Author:
Robert McKenzie is a teacher and writer. Visit his website for more information about Successful Parent Teacher conferences.
There are different styles of parenting, and each of them has it’s own style and characteristics. Basically, there are four styles of parenting: authoritarian, authoritative (sometimes called egalitarian), permissive, and uninvolved.
The uninvolved parenting style is when the parents are simply not there to be parents to their children. So this type of parenting can be described as “non existent”. Therefore, we will not discuss it here, because it is not an effective parenting style. Kids with an uninvolved parent often struggle with feelings of rejection, lack of self-esteem, and trust issues.
Let’s take a look at the other three parenting styles – authoritarian, authoritative and permissive.
Authoritarian, authoritative and permissive represent the range of parenting styles, where authoritarian is on one end, the permissive on the other end, and authoritative in the middle.
The parenting style differ form each other in two aspects – structure and responsiveness.
Structure represents the limits and rules a child has to obey to, therefore it is the main ingredient in authoritarian parenting.
Responsiveness is the parent’s sensitivity to a child’s voice. It represents the child’s wants and needs. Responsiveness is therefore the most important element in permissive parenting.
So, while authoritarian parenting is high on structure, it is low on Responsiveness. For example, is a child is late to come home, he or she will expect to be punished. If they fail to complete their homework or other chores, they will bare the consequences. Their parent will not listen to their needs and there will be no negotiation as for the limits and rules that this parent determines for his child.
With the permissive parent, things are quite the opposite. There are very few rules and limits to the child, and therefore, he or she have very little discipline. This may cause future problems, as these children do not learn how to deal with rules and how to connect between wring doing and punishment.
The best parenting model is the authoritative model. This is a balanced model between the authoritarian and the permissive models. Using this model, the child learns to obey rules and limitation imposed by his parent. But the child is also able to voice his or her opinion, and negotiate. For example, a child can ask for a new curfew hour, if it is justified. He can ask to bend the rules once, if it is important. The authoritative families work as a team ,where the child has duties and rules, but also has the right to have adults listen to his opinions and needs.
Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style, with both high structure and high responsiveness. The parents are engaged and flexible, but they are still the parents. Structurerules, limits and boundariesis present, but not rigid.
By: Ron Hel-Or
About the Author:
The uninvolved parenting style is when the parents are simply not there to be parents to their children. So this type of parenting can be described as “non existent”. Therefore, we will not discuss it here, because it is not an effective parenting style. Kids with an uninvolved parent often struggle with feelings of rejection, lack of self-esteem, and trust issues.
Let’s take a look at the other three parenting styles – authoritarian, authoritative and permissive.
Authoritarian, authoritative and permissive represent the range of parenting styles, where authoritarian is on one end, the permissive on the other end, and authoritative in the middle.
The parenting style differ form each other in two aspects – structure and responsiveness.
Structure represents the limits and rules a child has to obey to, therefore it is the main ingredient in authoritarian parenting.
Responsiveness is the parent’s sensitivity to a child’s voice. It represents the child’s wants and needs. Responsiveness is therefore the most important element in permissive parenting.
So, while authoritarian parenting is high on structure, it is low on Responsiveness. For example, is a child is late to come home, he or she will expect to be punished. If they fail to complete their homework or other chores, they will bare the consequences. Their parent will not listen to their needs and there will be no negotiation as for the limits and rules that this parent determines for his child.
With the permissive parent, things are quite the opposite. There are very few rules and limits to the child, and therefore, he or she have very little discipline. This may cause future problems, as these children do not learn how to deal with rules and how to connect between wring doing and punishment.
The best parenting model is the authoritative model. This is a balanced model between the authoritarian and the permissive models. Using this model, the child learns to obey rules and limitation imposed by his parent. But the child is also able to voice his or her opinion, and negotiate. For example, a child can ask for a new curfew hour, if it is justified. He can ask to bend the rules once, if it is important. The authoritative families work as a team ,where the child has duties and rules, but also has the right to have adults listen to his opinions and needs.
Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style, with both high structure and high responsiveness. The parents are engaged and flexible, but they are still the parents. Structurerules, limits and boundariesis present, but not rigid.
By: Ron Hel-Or
About the Author:
Visit parenting-advice-101.info from Jane Ling, For more parenting advice, parenting tips and other information.
Being a single parent involves many difficult challenges. It’s even harder than it looks. Single parents deal with challenges all day, every day. Many of those challenges arise from being not only single but a parent. There are children to care for and take care of. And because you are the only parent, everything you do carries greater weight.
No matter what you do, as a single parent, you must think of its effect on your children. You must be diligent in keeping up with their activities and their thoughts as they grow up in a single-parent home. In fact, the biggest challenge of being a single parent is the effect of your status on your children.
The transition to a single-parent family is difficult for kids. They may feel abandoned or insecure. They may feel isolated and different from other kids, even if there are more single-parent families than ever before.
Your children may resent you for the loss of your spouse, or they may have unresolved issues with the missing parent. As a single parent, it’s your job to keep them talking about what’s going on with them and what they think. Even though they may resist, you need to get them to talk to you about their worries, their fears, and their anger.
And you need to let them know they’re all right. They’re normal kids despite their circumstances. They aren’t responsible for the change, and they don’t have to make up for it. You should give them as normal a childhood as possible and be a role model. Even when they don’t act that way, they look to you as their example of what a grown-up is and does.
Your kids need to know you’re there for them, no matter what. You have a busy schedule trying to earn a living and manage the household. But you must never be too busy for your children. Even when you are in financial trouble, the job can’t take priority over the kids. They need to know how important they are to you. They need to know you love them more than anything else.
You’re going to have to build a new relationship with your children. As a single parent, you’re the only source of affection and guidance in the home. Even if you weren’t close before, you’re going to have to get close now. One good way to do that is to do lots of fun family activities.
Another way that will help the whole family is to assign specific chores to your children that will help keep the household running efficiently. Giving them responsibility will help them feel that they belong and that they are important. It will also give them a sense of accomplishment necessary to build a healthy self-image.
Single parents need to admit that they need help and then get help. You can’t do everything by yourself. Trying to may ruin your health, your attitude, and your relationships with your children. Getting to know your neighbors is a great way to find people who can help you look after the kids when you must be away. Neighbors can also help with household repairs and yard work.
Your neighbors may also be adult companions and role models for your children, but you must be careful. Get to know your neighbors well before you allow your children to be alone with them. Remember that the world is a more dangerous place than it was when you were a child. There’s no substitute for good parental judgment.
Time is the enemy when you’re a single parent. You probably have to work, and that means being outside the home a lot. Unless you have help, it also means your children may spend a lot of time at home alone. You’ll need to take extra precautions and lay out specific rules for time you’re not there.
Children who are alone a lot are vulnerable to drugs and criminal behavior. Gang activities are sky-rocketing. You’ll have to find a way to monitor your kids while you’re not home. This difficult challenge must be met head-on or your children may pay for it with their very lives.
You may have a challenge with your children’s attitudes about you as well. They may blame you for their situation or think you’re not doing things right. They may not show you the respect you want and expect. And they may feel cheated if you can’t attend special events like birthdays, PTA meetings, parent-teacher conferences, recitals, and other events that parents usually attend. These time pressures are especially difficult for single parents.
If you can’t make the time to make at least some of these events, it’s time to have a talk with the boss. Maybe you can work out a special work schedule or do some of your work at home. If you can’t find a solution with your current job, you may need to look for other more flexible working arrangements. If both are impossible, it’s important that your children know and understand why you can’t be with them. Be honest. They’ll understand the truth better than no explanation at all.
It’s important to remember that you can’t just give time to your kids. It must be quality time that helps them grow and mature. They need to know that you love them and that you need them. Never give them the idea that they’re a burden to you. Tell them often how much you love them. Listen to them. Ask them questions and listen to their answers. Show your interest in them as individuals. Even when time is limited, you can make the time you spend with them special and positive. It’s worth the trouble. And your reward is the love and respect of well-behaved, responsible children.
Even when life deals you and your children a bad hand, you can make life together enjoyable and productive. You can build healthy relationships with your kids and watch them become happy, productive young adults.
Despite the many hard challenges of being a single parent, you must always maintain your perspective and honor the most important priorities. It won’t always be hard or unpleasant. You’ll have many happy times and lots of love and laughter in your single-parent family as long as you keep a healthy positive attitude and keep on working toward a better life for you and your children.
By: Abhishek Agarwal
About the Author:
No matter what you do, as a single parent, you must think of its effect on your children. You must be diligent in keeping up with their activities and their thoughts as they grow up in a single-parent home. In fact, the biggest challenge of being a single parent is the effect of your status on your children.
The transition to a single-parent family is difficult for kids. They may feel abandoned or insecure. They may feel isolated and different from other kids, even if there are more single-parent families than ever before.
Your children may resent you for the loss of your spouse, or they may have unresolved issues with the missing parent. As a single parent, it’s your job to keep them talking about what’s going on with them and what they think. Even though they may resist, you need to get them to talk to you about their worries, their fears, and their anger.
And you need to let them know they’re all right. They’re normal kids despite their circumstances. They aren’t responsible for the change, and they don’t have to make up for it. You should give them as normal a childhood as possible and be a role model. Even when they don’t act that way, they look to you as their example of what a grown-up is and does.
Your kids need to know you’re there for them, no matter what. You have a busy schedule trying to earn a living and manage the household. But you must never be too busy for your children. Even when you are in financial trouble, the job can’t take priority over the kids. They need to know how important they are to you. They need to know you love them more than anything else.
You’re going to have to build a new relationship with your children. As a single parent, you’re the only source of affection and guidance in the home. Even if you weren’t close before, you’re going to have to get close now. One good way to do that is to do lots of fun family activities.
Another way that will help the whole family is to assign specific chores to your children that will help keep the household running efficiently. Giving them responsibility will help them feel that they belong and that they are important. It will also give them a sense of accomplishment necessary to build a healthy self-image.
Single parents need to admit that they need help and then get help. You can’t do everything by yourself. Trying to may ruin your health, your attitude, and your relationships with your children. Getting to know your neighbors is a great way to find people who can help you look after the kids when you must be away. Neighbors can also help with household repairs and yard work.
Your neighbors may also be adult companions and role models for your children, but you must be careful. Get to know your neighbors well before you allow your children to be alone with them. Remember that the world is a more dangerous place than it was when you were a child. There’s no substitute for good parental judgment.
Time is the enemy when you’re a single parent. You probably have to work, and that means being outside the home a lot. Unless you have help, it also means your children may spend a lot of time at home alone. You’ll need to take extra precautions and lay out specific rules for time you’re not there.
Children who are alone a lot are vulnerable to drugs and criminal behavior. Gang activities are sky-rocketing. You’ll have to find a way to monitor your kids while you’re not home. This difficult challenge must be met head-on or your children may pay for it with their very lives.
You may have a challenge with your children’s attitudes about you as well. They may blame you for their situation or think you’re not doing things right. They may not show you the respect you want and expect. And they may feel cheated if you can’t attend special events like birthdays, PTA meetings, parent-teacher conferences, recitals, and other events that parents usually attend. These time pressures are especially difficult for single parents.
If you can’t make the time to make at least some of these events, it’s time to have a talk with the boss. Maybe you can work out a special work schedule or do some of your work at home. If you can’t find a solution with your current job, you may need to look for other more flexible working arrangements. If both are impossible, it’s important that your children know and understand why you can’t be with them. Be honest. They’ll understand the truth better than no explanation at all.
It’s important to remember that you can’t just give time to your kids. It must be quality time that helps them grow and mature. They need to know that you love them and that you need them. Never give them the idea that they’re a burden to you. Tell them often how much you love them. Listen to them. Ask them questions and listen to their answers. Show your interest in them as individuals. Even when time is limited, you can make the time you spend with them special and positive. It’s worth the trouble. And your reward is the love and respect of well-behaved, responsible children.
Even when life deals you and your children a bad hand, you can make life together enjoyable and productive. You can build healthy relationships with your kids and watch them become happy, productive young adults.
Despite the many hard challenges of being a single parent, you must always maintain your perspective and honor the most important priorities. It won’t always be hard or unpleasant. You’ll have many happy times and lots of love and laughter in your single-parent family as long as you keep a healthy positive attitude and keep on working toward a better life for you and your children.
By: Abhishek Agarwal
About the Author:
Abhishek is a family counselor and he has got some great Single Parenting Secrets up his sleeves! Download his FREE 65 Pages Ebook, “Single Parenting – Becoming The Best Parent For Your Child!” from his website http://www.Better-Parent.com/126/index.htm. Only limited Free Copies available.
How do I bring up this child? Is a frequently asked question by many parents who come face to face with a child with disability. The problem starts when the doctor announces that the child has a disability. The first reaction of the parent is denial,” my child is not disabled, the doctor made a mistake”. The grandparents add to this saying some uncle or aunty was like this but then they became normal. So there is no need for anxiety. Everything will become normal. But when there is no improvement the next step is to shop around for a cure from pillar to post. Parents refuse to listen to the doctors’ suggestions. Parents expect some miracle and after shopping around ends up either with over protection or with rejection.
All these have an impact on the development of the child. In the case of a child with mental disability parents have sympathy for the child Most parents feel that the child does not understand anything and try to give a lot of allowance for the child. A lot of concession is given for the misbehaviour of the child. The child with mental disability has some comprehension though not up to his / her age level Most parents allow the child to behave as she /he likes and finally are scared to take the child to public gathering because thay think the child will misbehave when people are around.
We usually forget to remember that the child is observing us as we observe the child. He/She knows our weakness and strong points and what will affect us more. Some children say “I know how to get things done, when friends come to visit us we get what ever we demand.” “Our screaming in a public place makes my mother nervous and she will do anything for me” So even if we are anxious make it a point not to express it out wardly.
Another big mistake we all do is to ignore the children when they are quite and mind their work. We have a tendency to finish the work as fast as we can when there is no disturbance. We pay attention to the child the minute the child throws something to the floor, or screams. This reinforces the child to misbehave. As parents if we are ready to appreciate the child when he is behaving well, then the child will also appreciate us and behave well.
Parents need to remember that discipline is same for every one; I mean same for all the children there need not be two yard sticks. If we start treating the disabled child like any other child. at home as well as in front of others, problems are less. We have come across children who behave well at home misbehave in a public place, scream and even roll on the ground and throw mud on every one, just to get attention. These children are very sure their parents are at their mercy. There is a six year old child who insists on taking a shaving cream when ever he visits a super market. No one is his home uses the shaving cream. If you don’t allow him to take the cream he will roll on the ground and scream. When he visits the same super market with his school mates and teachers, he usually drags the teacher to the cupboard where they have the shaving cream, the teacher explains to him that he doesn’t need that instead he can take a biscuits or chocolate which has a dazzling cover he agrees. No crying or temper tantrums. All what he wanted was not the shaving cream but the bright cover of the shaving cream.. In many cases we see that if you understand the child instead of saying NO to the child you can manage the child.
Parents usually feel that a disabled child is a punishment from god for what they have done in the previous birth. They don’t want to show the child to the out side world. We have a mother who takes the child for a walk around 9PM when every body is inside the house. She says this is to avoid disgrace; She wanted to avoid the questions asked by her friends and neighbours. The more and more she avoids people, people have the interest to find out what is wrong with the child. Instead if you can introduce the child to others and introduce some friends of his own age group, people will have empathy for the child and help you also. In some cases this kind of socialisation will help in the child’s social development.
We come across many parents who are very spontaneous in using the word (Don’t do it)
“Don’t go out in the sun” “don’t play in the rain” “don’t eat ice cream” “don’t play with that child” How many of us have the time and the patience to tell the child why the child cannot do that and instead what the child can do. When we give instruction to the child “Don’t play in the rain” do we ever convey the reason?. And teach the child to make paper boat so that when the rain stops he can play in the rain water. The child will definitely respond to your request, not to play in the rain. Make it a point to give positive commands instead of negatives. Many parents have the tendency to talk about the child to others like friends and relatives in the child’s presence. The positive as well as the negative behaviours are reinforced. If we talk about any behaviour that is worrying us the child takes the clue from us and misbehaves all the more in front of the visitors. So it is always better to avoid the mistake of any discussion in front of the child.
Parents need to keep in mind that we need to treat the child with disability as any other child in the family. Children learn what they live as described by an unknown author
If a child lives with criticism,
He learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy,
He learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to praise.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice,
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.
As we set rules for the children if permitted children may also like to set rules for us and question us. We usually do not allow that. Let us give them permission and keep our self in the shoe of the child and listen to what they want to say. For some parents it will be really shocking.
If we have done something wrong, you have every right to tell us what was wrong with us or where we went wrong. Please make it short, and without shouting at us in front of others try to make us understand what was wrong. Please don’t go about it for hours.
Please do remember the good things about us as well as the bad. If we are quiet and did something you can appreciate, give us positive strokes immediately.
If you want us to do something or don’t want us to do, explain to us why we cannot do that and instead you can tell us what we can do. And please don’t expect us to obey you as you are our parents We are fed up of the command” obey as I say so”
Please tell us specifically when you are pleased with us,” You behaved well when friends visited us or you didn’t make noise when I was talking to my friend” This will help us to understand how we have to behave and go on behaving like that.
If you make mistakes don’t feel bad to admit it. If you do something wrong, please apologize, we should do the same.
Could you listen to us more often? If you listen to us you can understand us better and why we behave in a certain way, and some times why we misbehave. Then we will be more willing to listen to you.
When we go out in the evening we should be back by a certain time. Our programmes need to be planned according to our convenience and likes and dislikes and not according to your convenience. This will help you to avoid the conflicts between us.
When our friends visit us, please welcome them, but do not ask them lot of questions about their home, parent’s family and what they do in their spare time. We need some privacy
We want to be trusted, so please don’t worry about us so much, and don’t always expect the worst.
You often tell us that you didn’t do that when you were young. We should be genuinely interested to know just what you did when you were young.
If you keep in mind another six rules as to how you can spoil your child you can be little careful and you can live without tension.
1. From infancy give the child everything he demands. In this way if he grows up he will think that the world needs to give in to all his demands.
2. When he picks up bad words laugh about it. This will give him an idea that he is cute. It will encourage him to pick up more words that will make you hang your head when he uses these words in a public place.
3. Please do avoid using the word “Wrong” It may develop a guilt complex in the child.
4. One of the parent make it a point to pick up every thing he leaves like books and toys after he plays or comes back from school and do every thing for him even before he asks for any help so that as he grows up into adult hood he will shun all the responsibilities and expect you to do ever thing for him. As the child grows up you are also growing old and you may not have the strength and energy to do everything for him if he is dependent on you
5. Quarrel often in your children’s presence. So that they will feel insecure and in some cases try to run off from the family.
6. Never try to correct him when he quarrels with friends and neighbours, blindly support him so that at later stage he will become a nuisance in the neighbourhood and the community will try to use force to manage him
No one has a right to say that he /she is a good parent or bad parent. In our anxiety to give our best to the child, we make lot of mistakes, if we can correct some of these mistakes which every one does at some stage of their life we can help our children with disability to be useful citizens and not be a burden to others even after we are not there to support them.
By: Jeyashree Iyenar
About the Author:
All these have an impact on the development of the child. In the case of a child with mental disability parents have sympathy for the child Most parents feel that the child does not understand anything and try to give a lot of allowance for the child. A lot of concession is given for the misbehaviour of the child. The child with mental disability has some comprehension though not up to his / her age level Most parents allow the child to behave as she /he likes and finally are scared to take the child to public gathering because thay think the child will misbehave when people are around.
We usually forget to remember that the child is observing us as we observe the child. He/She knows our weakness and strong points and what will affect us more. Some children say “I know how to get things done, when friends come to visit us we get what ever we demand.” “Our screaming in a public place makes my mother nervous and she will do anything for me” So even if we are anxious make it a point not to express it out wardly.
Another big mistake we all do is to ignore the children when they are quite and mind their work. We have a tendency to finish the work as fast as we can when there is no disturbance. We pay attention to the child the minute the child throws something to the floor, or screams. This reinforces the child to misbehave. As parents if we are ready to appreciate the child when he is behaving well, then the child will also appreciate us and behave well.
Parents need to remember that discipline is same for every one; I mean same for all the children there need not be two yard sticks. If we start treating the disabled child like any other child. at home as well as in front of others, problems are less. We have come across children who behave well at home misbehave in a public place, scream and even roll on the ground and throw mud on every one, just to get attention. These children are very sure their parents are at their mercy. There is a six year old child who insists on taking a shaving cream when ever he visits a super market. No one is his home uses the shaving cream. If you don’t allow him to take the cream he will roll on the ground and scream. When he visits the same super market with his school mates and teachers, he usually drags the teacher to the cupboard where they have the shaving cream, the teacher explains to him that he doesn’t need that instead he can take a biscuits or chocolate which has a dazzling cover he agrees. No crying or temper tantrums. All what he wanted was not the shaving cream but the bright cover of the shaving cream.. In many cases we see that if you understand the child instead of saying NO to the child you can manage the child.
Parents usually feel that a disabled child is a punishment from god for what they have done in the previous birth. They don’t want to show the child to the out side world. We have a mother who takes the child for a walk around 9PM when every body is inside the house. She says this is to avoid disgrace; She wanted to avoid the questions asked by her friends and neighbours. The more and more she avoids people, people have the interest to find out what is wrong with the child. Instead if you can introduce the child to others and introduce some friends of his own age group, people will have empathy for the child and help you also. In some cases this kind of socialisation will help in the child’s social development.
We come across many parents who are very spontaneous in using the word (Don’t do it)
“Don’t go out in the sun” “don’t play in the rain” “don’t eat ice cream” “don’t play with that child” How many of us have the time and the patience to tell the child why the child cannot do that and instead what the child can do. When we give instruction to the child “Don’t play in the rain” do we ever convey the reason?. And teach the child to make paper boat so that when the rain stops he can play in the rain water. The child will definitely respond to your request, not to play in the rain. Make it a point to give positive commands instead of negatives. Many parents have the tendency to talk about the child to others like friends and relatives in the child’s presence. The positive as well as the negative behaviours are reinforced. If we talk about any behaviour that is worrying us the child takes the clue from us and misbehaves all the more in front of the visitors. So it is always better to avoid the mistake of any discussion in front of the child.
Parents need to keep in mind that we need to treat the child with disability as any other child in the family. Children learn what they live as described by an unknown author
If a child lives with criticism,
He learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy,
He learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to praise.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice,
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.
As we set rules for the children if permitted children may also like to set rules for us and question us. We usually do not allow that. Let us give them permission and keep our self in the shoe of the child and listen to what they want to say. For some parents it will be really shocking.
If we have done something wrong, you have every right to tell us what was wrong with us or where we went wrong. Please make it short, and without shouting at us in front of others try to make us understand what was wrong. Please don’t go about it for hours.
Please do remember the good things about us as well as the bad. If we are quiet and did something you can appreciate, give us positive strokes immediately.
If you want us to do something or don’t want us to do, explain to us why we cannot do that and instead you can tell us what we can do. And please don’t expect us to obey you as you are our parents We are fed up of the command” obey as I say so”
Please tell us specifically when you are pleased with us,” You behaved well when friends visited us or you didn’t make noise when I was talking to my friend” This will help us to understand how we have to behave and go on behaving like that.
If you make mistakes don’t feel bad to admit it. If you do something wrong, please apologize, we should do the same.
Could you listen to us more often? If you listen to us you can understand us better and why we behave in a certain way, and some times why we misbehave. Then we will be more willing to listen to you.
When we go out in the evening we should be back by a certain time. Our programmes need to be planned according to our convenience and likes and dislikes and not according to your convenience. This will help you to avoid the conflicts between us.
When our friends visit us, please welcome them, but do not ask them lot of questions about their home, parent’s family and what they do in their spare time. We need some privacy
We want to be trusted, so please don’t worry about us so much, and don’t always expect the worst.
You often tell us that you didn’t do that when you were young. We should be genuinely interested to know just what you did when you were young.
If you keep in mind another six rules as to how you can spoil your child you can be little careful and you can live without tension.
1. From infancy give the child everything he demands. In this way if he grows up he will think that the world needs to give in to all his demands.
2. When he picks up bad words laugh about it. This will give him an idea that he is cute. It will encourage him to pick up more words that will make you hang your head when he uses these words in a public place.
3. Please do avoid using the word “Wrong” It may develop a guilt complex in the child.
4. One of the parent make it a point to pick up every thing he leaves like books and toys after he plays or comes back from school and do every thing for him even before he asks for any help so that as he grows up into adult hood he will shun all the responsibilities and expect you to do ever thing for him. As the child grows up you are also growing old and you may not have the strength and energy to do everything for him if he is dependent on you
5. Quarrel often in your children’s presence. So that they will feel insecure and in some cases try to run off from the family.
6. Never try to correct him when he quarrels with friends and neighbours, blindly support him so that at later stage he will become a nuisance in the neighbourhood and the community will try to use force to manage him
No one has a right to say that he /she is a good parent or bad parent. In our anxiety to give our best to the child, we make lot of mistakes, if we can correct some of these mistakes which every one does at some stage of their life we can help our children with disability to be useful citizens and not be a burden to others even after we are not there to support them.
By: Jeyashree Iyenar
About the Author:
Jeyashree Iyenar has done her MSW and Msc. Special Child care in London. She is running a special school “Sadhana” for mentally challenged children in Vellore, India, for the past 15 years.
Research has repeatedly shown that children succeed academically, socially and emotionally and become more well-rounded and balanced individuals if their parents are involved in their education and school activities. Getting involved also sends the message to children that parents are genuinely interested in their education, and that going to school is a positive, valuable cause.
But many parents don’t seem to show much interest in this cause when they aren’t participators in their children’s school activities. They often say they don’t have the time or energy or that they feel uncomfortable in their children’s schools. Other parents just seem to be confused about their options and how they can participate, or are just lacking the right information.
So how can schools get parents involved with school activities?
Communication is the key. A major reason for lack of parental involvement is lack of clear, straightforward and helpful information. Schools and teachers need to make contact with parents—in person, on the phone, through e-mail and websites, through letters and notes sent home, through newsletters. Teachers need to talk to parents in a basic manner without adding “educational jargon” and ensure parents have regular access to readable information about their children’s school activities—both in and out of the classroom.
Parents want to know what their children are learning, what school activities they are involved in, how they as parents can specifically be involved with their children’s education and school activities, how they can approach teachers and how they can help their children at home.
Providing this information regularly, consistently and in various formats will help bridge the gap between schools lacking parental involvement and parents not being involved in the schools.
Accommodation and inclusion is another strategy for getting parents involved in school activities. Parents need to know that schools are sensitive to their needs, lifestyles and demands. Teachers should try and work around parents’ work schedules for school activities, meetings and conferences, and also work around cultural or language barriers. Schools should make it easy, too, by letting parents know that involvement doesn’t have to be an all-consuming, complicated process.
Another way to be accommodating is to invite parents to act as partners in the school decision-making process. They should regularly ask for parents’ concerns and suggestions, and then deal with them accordingly. If schools want parents to come to school meetings, they could first of all provide a survey asking what dates and times are the most suitable, provide child care for younger siblings, and a “parental platform” during the meeting where parents are given the opportunity to speak, make suggestions and ask questions.
Be resourceful. Finally, schools should provide resources for parents who want to learn more and become more involved in their children’s school activities and education. Offer parent education classes. Create a parenting resource center at the school with informational material such as brochures, articles, magazines, tips, textbooks, videos and CDs or tapes. Develop a school website with a section for parents. Set up sessions or workshops at the school on issues like single parenting, helping with homework, improving grades and study skills, child care, raising teenagers, drug and sexual awareness, etc. Send “goodie bags” home filled with activities parents can do with their children.
The opportunities are endless, and if schools and teachers are truly committed to the cause of parental involvement in education and school activities, then they can get parents on board as well.
By: Will Hanke
About the Author:
But many parents don’t seem to show much interest in this cause when they aren’t participators in their children’s school activities. They often say they don’t have the time or energy or that they feel uncomfortable in their children’s schools. Other parents just seem to be confused about their options and how they can participate, or are just lacking the right information.
So how can schools get parents involved with school activities?
Communication is the key. A major reason for lack of parental involvement is lack of clear, straightforward and helpful information. Schools and teachers need to make contact with parents—in person, on the phone, through e-mail and websites, through letters and notes sent home, through newsletters. Teachers need to talk to parents in a basic manner without adding “educational jargon” and ensure parents have regular access to readable information about their children’s school activities—both in and out of the classroom.
Parents want to know what their children are learning, what school activities they are involved in, how they as parents can specifically be involved with their children’s education and school activities, how they can approach teachers and how they can help their children at home.
Providing this information regularly, consistently and in various formats will help bridge the gap between schools lacking parental involvement and parents not being involved in the schools.
Accommodation and inclusion is another strategy for getting parents involved in school activities. Parents need to know that schools are sensitive to their needs, lifestyles and demands. Teachers should try and work around parents’ work schedules for school activities, meetings and conferences, and also work around cultural or language barriers. Schools should make it easy, too, by letting parents know that involvement doesn’t have to be an all-consuming, complicated process.
Another way to be accommodating is to invite parents to act as partners in the school decision-making process. They should regularly ask for parents’ concerns and suggestions, and then deal with them accordingly. If schools want parents to come to school meetings, they could first of all provide a survey asking what dates and times are the most suitable, provide child care for younger siblings, and a “parental platform” during the meeting where parents are given the opportunity to speak, make suggestions and ask questions.
Be resourceful. Finally, schools should provide resources for parents who want to learn more and become more involved in their children’s school activities and education. Offer parent education classes. Create a parenting resource center at the school with informational material such as brochures, articles, magazines, tips, textbooks, videos and CDs or tapes. Develop a school website with a section for parents. Set up sessions or workshops at the school on issues like single parenting, helping with homework, improving grades and study skills, child care, raising teenagers, drug and sexual awareness, etc. Send “goodie bags” home filled with activities parents can do with their children.
The opportunities are endless, and if schools and teachers are truly committed to the cause of parental involvement in education and school activities, then they can get parents on board as well.
By: Will Hanke
About the Author:
Getting parents involved in their child’s education can be a daunting task. Websites like GetParentsInvolved.org help teach how parents can get more involved with their local school.
Parents learn quickly that telephones are like magnets to children. With multiple cell phones and land lines ringing, children have greater access to phone communication than ever before, and are more fascinated than ever with their use.
Per Spiderman’s creed, “With great power comes great responsibility,” children need to be taught early that the telephone is not a toy and that proper behavior is a must for anyone who uses the phone. Parents should always model courteous phone etiquette.
The check list below is a good parenting tool to ensure that children use the phone properly.
Ask to use the phone
To maintain boundaries, it is a good idea to require children to ask before using the phone. Very small children can be tempted to hit the redial button over and over, annoying the person on the receiving end. Older children can while away hours chatting, before parents become aware.
Answer the phone properly
Parents should equip children with a polite greeting for answering the phone. “Hello, may I help you?” or “Hello, who is this speaking please?” are polite salutations and not abrupt like, “Yeah? Who’s this?” Unless the child knows who is calling, he should refrain from identifying himself. If the child knows the caller, (the phone is handed to him, or he recognizes the number displayed on the caller I.D. feature) he should say politely, “Hello, this is “Dan”.”
When a child answers the phone and it is for someone else, he should politely say, for example, “Yes my mom is here, one moment please while I get her,” and always hand the phone to the requested person. Yelling, “MOM, PHONE!” is disrespectful to caller and call recipient and should be curbed immediately. Suspending phone privileges is an effective method of reinforcing ground rules; time out from phone use gives kids an appreciation for the privilege.
Responding to a wrong number appropriately is crucial. Kids should never give personal information of any kind to unknown callers, including their own names or the names of others in the household. A respectful and smart response to a wrong number is, “I am sorry you have the wrong number,” and hang up.
Conversing with a stranger over the phone is dangerous. People who prey on children know how to manipulate them into giving personal information. Parents should teach kids to hang up immediately and without saying, “goodbye,” if the caller makes them feel even remotely uncomfortable. After hanging up, the child should alert a parent immediately.
Older children, home alone, should never let a strange caller know. Parents can train children to have an excuse ready, “I am sorry but my father is busy and can’t come to the phone right now. Goodbye.” The child should hang up immediately without further discussion. Screening calls is an even safer idea, kids can pick up only those calls where they recognize the caller’s I.D.
Use a polite salutation when placing a call
A child placing a call should identify himself using his full name, “Hello, this is John Jones, is Miranda at home?” is a polite greeting.
Speak so the listener can understand
Kids should be told to use an “indoor voice,” and encouraged to speak into the receiver clearly, without mumbling or yelling. Very young children sometimes go silent or trail off when on the phone, so parents should be ready to encourage the conversation or take over. Parents should make sure that the caller is amenable to speaking to a small child, as adorable as kids are, not everyone responds positively to teaching kids to use the phone.
Establish time limits
Phone use is a privilege and parents need to set clear boundaries. Most families don’t allow calls to go out or come in between 8:00 or 9:00 in the morning and 9:00 at night.
Set a reasonable amount of time for children to be on the phone. Preschoolers up through elementary age children are easy to limit, but parents need to be very clear and consistent with time limits for preteens and teens. It is appropriate to take a time out from the phone during the homework block, while eating dinner, or during family time. Cell phone use and text messaging should be monitored to ensure activity doesn’t get out of hand.
Finish the call politely
Little children should be taught to say, “goodbye,” at the end of the call, not to just toss the phone down or hang up. As children mature they should finish all phone calls with a polite remark such as, “It was great speaking with you, Grandma.” The phone should always be returned to its designated home by the person who used the phone last.
Be respectful when others are using the phone
Eavesdropping, creating background noise, and speaking to or distracting a person who is on the phone, are all impolite behaviors that should not be tolerated. In addition, pushing phone buttons, playing with the cord, picking up an extension and grabbing at the phone are off limits behaviors that should be “nipped in the bud.”
It is difficult for very small children to understand that they must be quiet when a parent is taking a call. Cutting calls short or planning important calls when children are napping, occupied by the other parent, or engaged in an activity, helps ensure less stressful phone calls. Parents can let older children know beforehand that they need quiet while they are on the phone.
Take a message please
Children of about age eight and up can take a basic message. Paper and pens should be placed near phones and kids can be coached to ask for whom the call is for, who is calling, and the telephone number where the person can be reached. The child should read the information back to the caller to ensure accurate content.
Leave a clear message
Even small children can be taught to leave a clear and concise message with their name and telephone number.
The increase in telephone usage over the past decade has magnified the need for good telephone skills. Most people have a telephone on their person at all times. In addition, predators have gotten very adept at infiltrating homes and communicating with children. Completing the above checklist will assure parents that their children are politely and safely using the phone.
By: Elena Neitlich
About the Author:
Per Spiderman’s creed, “With great power comes great responsibility,” children need to be taught early that the telephone is not a toy and that proper behavior is a must for anyone who uses the phone. Parents should always model courteous phone etiquette.
The check list below is a good parenting tool to ensure that children use the phone properly.
Ask to use the phone
To maintain boundaries, it is a good idea to require children to ask before using the phone. Very small children can be tempted to hit the redial button over and over, annoying the person on the receiving end. Older children can while away hours chatting, before parents become aware.
Answer the phone properly
Parents should equip children with a polite greeting for answering the phone. “Hello, may I help you?” or “Hello, who is this speaking please?” are polite salutations and not abrupt like, “Yeah? Who’s this?” Unless the child knows who is calling, he should refrain from identifying himself. If the child knows the caller, (the phone is handed to him, or he recognizes the number displayed on the caller I.D. feature) he should say politely, “Hello, this is “Dan”.”
When a child answers the phone and it is for someone else, he should politely say, for example, “Yes my mom is here, one moment please while I get her,” and always hand the phone to the requested person. Yelling, “MOM, PHONE!” is disrespectful to caller and call recipient and should be curbed immediately. Suspending phone privileges is an effective method of reinforcing ground rules; time out from phone use gives kids an appreciation for the privilege.
Responding to a wrong number appropriately is crucial. Kids should never give personal information of any kind to unknown callers, including their own names or the names of others in the household. A respectful and smart response to a wrong number is, “I am sorry you have the wrong number,” and hang up.
Conversing with a stranger over the phone is dangerous. People who prey on children know how to manipulate them into giving personal information. Parents should teach kids to hang up immediately and without saying, “goodbye,” if the caller makes them feel even remotely uncomfortable. After hanging up, the child should alert a parent immediately.
Older children, home alone, should never let a strange caller know. Parents can train children to have an excuse ready, “I am sorry but my father is busy and can’t come to the phone right now. Goodbye.” The child should hang up immediately without further discussion. Screening calls is an even safer idea, kids can pick up only those calls where they recognize the caller’s I.D.
Use a polite salutation when placing a call
A child placing a call should identify himself using his full name, “Hello, this is John Jones, is Miranda at home?” is a polite greeting.
Speak so the listener can understand
Kids should be told to use an “indoor voice,” and encouraged to speak into the receiver clearly, without mumbling or yelling. Very young children sometimes go silent or trail off when on the phone, so parents should be ready to encourage the conversation or take over. Parents should make sure that the caller is amenable to speaking to a small child, as adorable as kids are, not everyone responds positively to teaching kids to use the phone.
Establish time limits
Phone use is a privilege and parents need to set clear boundaries. Most families don’t allow calls to go out or come in between 8:00 or 9:00 in the morning and 9:00 at night.
Set a reasonable amount of time for children to be on the phone. Preschoolers up through elementary age children are easy to limit, but parents need to be very clear and consistent with time limits for preteens and teens. It is appropriate to take a time out from the phone during the homework block, while eating dinner, or during family time. Cell phone use and text messaging should be monitored to ensure activity doesn’t get out of hand.
Finish the call politely
Little children should be taught to say, “goodbye,” at the end of the call, not to just toss the phone down or hang up. As children mature they should finish all phone calls with a polite remark such as, “It was great speaking with you, Grandma.” The phone should always be returned to its designated home by the person who used the phone last.
Be respectful when others are using the phone
Eavesdropping, creating background noise, and speaking to or distracting a person who is on the phone, are all impolite behaviors that should not be tolerated. In addition, pushing phone buttons, playing with the cord, picking up an extension and grabbing at the phone are off limits behaviors that should be “nipped in the bud.”
It is difficult for very small children to understand that they must be quiet when a parent is taking a call. Cutting calls short or planning important calls when children are napping, occupied by the other parent, or engaged in an activity, helps ensure less stressful phone calls. Parents can let older children know beforehand that they need quiet while they are on the phone.
Take a message please
Children of about age eight and up can take a basic message. Paper and pens should be placed near phones and kids can be coached to ask for whom the call is for, who is calling, and the telephone number where the person can be reached. The child should read the information back to the caller to ensure accurate content.
Leave a clear message
Even small children can be taught to leave a clear and concise message with their name and telephone number.
The increase in telephone usage over the past decade has magnified the need for good telephone skills. Most people have a telephone on their person at all times. In addition, predators have gotten very adept at infiltrating homes and communicating with children. Completing the above checklist will assure parents that their children are politely and safely using the phone.
By: Elena Neitlich
About the Author:
Elena Neitlich is owner of Moms On Edge at http://www.momsonedge.com. When you’re tired of battling with potty training, bedtime and other behavioral issues, find clever parenting tools and products proven to quickly help solve the most common parenting challenges in creative, fun ways.
Parenting is a difficult job. One needs to be very careful when it comes to raise children. The basics of parenting should be learned otherwise life becomes tough. Many parents, especially those who are new, require help to manage their family life properly. Parenting workshops often proves to be good for them.
Those who are lucky enough to have elderly ladies in family can gain some helpful tips on how to raise children without any external help. However, parent coaching is good for all – whether you have adequate knowledge of parenting or not, parenting coaching always equip you with more ideas and strategies to handle your family matters smartly.
Hence, going for parenting classes is a win-win situation – you have nothing to lose at all. Chances are high that you will learn a lot of new things while interacting with psychologists, counselors, child specialists, doctors and other parents. Hence, it will be a wise decision to go for parent coaching whenever you fail to find a realistic solution to your problems.
How Parenting Workshops Help
Putting it simply, parenting workshops equip you with essential parenting skills to raise a healthy, happy and responsible child who can enrich the family as well as the society with their positive contributions.
To make your child a reliable, trustworthy and healthy citizen of tomorrow you need to know the basics of parenting very well. If you fail to recognize the problems your children are experiencing, how can you help them grow up to your dreams?
That’s why you need to attend parent coaching classes. Such sessions help you in many ways; some are mentioned below:
Solve A Specific Problem
Parenting classes help you learn how to solve a specific problem. Initially the problem might seem to be your own, as if none else can undergo such a situation. But after meeting the parenting experts you might be surprised to know that there are others who are undergoing or have passed through similar problems. It definitely gives you a moral support.
Finally, the parenting coaching helps you find the solution that you were looking for. At the end of the session you become experienced enough to address many common problems associated with family life and child care.
Explore New Parenting Strategies
There are many ways to reach a single point. You might have tried one particular avenue; however, you never know if there are other easier options or not. Parenting workshops help you identify those unexplored options of parenting.
Perhaps you have tried to impart discipline to your child through punishment whereas; rewards and storytelling are better means to achieve the same goal. Once you learn the facts, you can implement them in your life.
Hence, even when your parenting strategies are working fine and you have no problems with your family life, you can undergo parenting courses just to gain knowledge and skills. So go for it and become proud parents.
By: Stanley Gallor
About the Author:
Those who are lucky enough to have elderly ladies in family can gain some helpful tips on how to raise children without any external help. However, parent coaching is good for all – whether you have adequate knowledge of parenting or not, parenting coaching always equip you with more ideas and strategies to handle your family matters smartly.
Hence, going for parenting classes is a win-win situation – you have nothing to lose at all. Chances are high that you will learn a lot of new things while interacting with psychologists, counselors, child specialists, doctors and other parents. Hence, it will be a wise decision to go for parent coaching whenever you fail to find a realistic solution to your problems.
How Parenting Workshops Help
Putting it simply, parenting workshops equip you with essential parenting skills to raise a healthy, happy and responsible child who can enrich the family as well as the society with their positive contributions.
To make your child a reliable, trustworthy and healthy citizen of tomorrow you need to know the basics of parenting very well. If you fail to recognize the problems your children are experiencing, how can you help them grow up to your dreams?
That’s why you need to attend parent coaching classes. Such sessions help you in many ways; some are mentioned below:
Solve A Specific Problem
Parenting classes help you learn how to solve a specific problem. Initially the problem might seem to be your own, as if none else can undergo such a situation. But after meeting the parenting experts you might be surprised to know that there are others who are undergoing or have passed through similar problems. It definitely gives you a moral support.
Finally, the parenting coaching helps you find the solution that you were looking for. At the end of the session you become experienced enough to address many common problems associated with family life and child care.
Explore New Parenting Strategies
There are many ways to reach a single point. You might have tried one particular avenue; however, you never know if there are other easier options or not. Parenting workshops help you identify those unexplored options of parenting.
Perhaps you have tried to impart discipline to your child through punishment whereas; rewards and storytelling are better means to achieve the same goal. Once you learn the facts, you can implement them in your life.
Hence, even when your parenting strategies are working fine and you have no problems with your family life, you can undergo parenting courses just to gain knowledge and skills. So go for it and become proud parents.
By: Stanley Gallor
About the Author:
Stanley Galor is a relationship expert, counselor and self published author advising on parenting workshops, parent coaching and positive parenting. He recommends you to visit: http://www.theparentpractice.com/